


The Fear of Falling

by caspurrii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Demon Hunters, Alternate Universe - Demons, Angst, Demons, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020, Hunters & Hunting, I'm Sorry, M/M, Monster Hunters, One Shot, POV First Person, Pain, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27263842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caspurrii/pseuds/caspurrii
Summary: Tsukishima Kei came from a well known family of top tier Hunters, but the whole of his school either treated him with sickeningly sweet respect or like he was a ticking bomb. Well, everyone except for his first and closest friend, Yamaguchi. But as school comes to an end and family expectations come seeping in from behind, things aren’t as everything seems...
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 27





	The Fear of Falling

**Author's Note:**

> hi so this is my first hehe pls go easy on me (or dont, i need to know how g im doing). I usually write on WattPad (same username if yall curious) 
> 
> I hope yall enjoy hehe its quite long btw just saying
> 
> WORD COUNT: 9234

The sweet sounds of punches on sandbags and skin and the intoxicating smell of sweat filled the air of the gym. In another world, another reality, this place was used for a team of innocent, excitable, boys, getting ready for their next game of whatever they did, maybe volleyball. 

But here, it was used for something far more serious. 

Grunts of triumph and pain echoed through my ears as I took breath after deep breath, taking stock of my opponent. 

He was... _small_. Extremely so, especially against someone my size, but there was no mistaking his talent in fighting. Plus, he was unnaturally quick, perfect for stealth if it wasn’t for the shock of bright ginger hair on his head. 

He caught my glance, grinning like the annoying maniac he was.

“Come at me, Tsukishima!!”

So I did. 

Combat against monsters was my favorite class, it was the only thing I was good at, apart from my grades. I was the youngest of a famous, _and_ infamous, family, my great-grandfather being the founder of the Monster Hunters, or Hunters, for short. I was, or so I was told, naturally gifted, that my skill was hereditary, and that my height was a major advantage too. 

Yet, I could never beat this guy.

I lunged at Hinata, the blunt spike that was given as a school-approved weapon slicing through the air. 

I was fast, but he was faster.

He dodged, twisted his smaller self to bring his own spike to my neck, something unescapable if it weren’t for my fast thinking and reflexes, and for the fact that I had predicted the move. I kick backward, out of the way as the metal nicks my glasses, my only disadvantage. But he doesn’t miss a beat, swinging with the momentum to land a punch to my shoulder, a dirty move to make me lose my balance. And in between the sweet moment of me finding my feet or falling, he sweeps his leg under mine, pinning me to the floor, spike against my neck. 

“ _Ha_! Get that, bean pole!!” He yells, in my face, not as a rude gesture, just as... him, because that’s who he is. This kid could never get tired, no matter how many rounds of sparring you did with him.

“Shut the hell up, _dumbass_ , the whole gym can hear you.” I groan inwardly, recognizing the new voice. It was the one and only King, descended straight from an actual royal bloodline, Kageyama Tobio. He and Hinata had been enemies at first, the latter originating from a lower-class bloodline, thinking he could become the top of the food chain. They had hated each other, so much that the Captain of Combat, Sawamura Daichi, had to temporarily kick them out of training until they reached an agreement. 

“Go away, Idiot-yama.” Hinata says as he stands, holding a hand out for me, a truce offering.

He does this every time, but I never take it. I don’t want to. I don’t want to get involved with the likes of him, no matter how good he was and how much potential he has to be a Hunter. 

Because I will be the next Head of the Hunt. That’s a given due to my family.

And I don’t want to hurt him by giving him hope. If he gets too close, I may start feeling pity, and I don’t have the time for that.

He hand stays in front of me. “ _Come on_.” I can hear the slight whisper. He wants me to take it, wants that friendship to be made true.

And as the fights around us end, I get up. I get up without the help of the smaller ones’ hand.

Looking back, maybe I should have taken it.

——————————

**_Same day, on the way home_ **

“Tsukki!!”

I stop, knowing who I’m about to see, Yamaguchi. He’s a cheery boy, and he hadn’t seen the fight since he took the support role instead of fighting. I look down, but not too down, at his (adorable) freckled face. Yamaguchi was my childhood friend, and our friendship started from when I had saved him from some boys I couldn’t remember. 

“Hello, Yamaguchi.”

I think back to when I first met him, tiny compared to me, a crying mess. I thought I would never see him again after that, but then he called out to me on my way to Combat, a few weeks later, and we hit off really well. He was the only one that could stand my lack of sympathy and emotion in general, and I was the only one who could take his clinginess. At the start he had been nearly half my height, but as the years went on, he started growing so much, at one point I actually was terrified that he might have grown taller than me. But when he finally stopped at 180cm, I felt more relief than I should have.

“How was Combat?” He starts to say, but I don’t answer, because I know he doesn’t end there. “Support was fun. Suga helped me a lot with the Quick Freezers and Stabilizers and I’ve gotten pretty good at it! Hey, did you know that...”

And he kept going. All the way to the final crossroad where we would go our separate ways. 

“Hey, Tsukki?” He calls out, right before I walk too far and out of earshot.

“Yeah?”

I turn to face him, and I find it amazingly breathtaking how the pale moonlight and the soft glow of the lamplight highlights the smoothness of his face, and the little freckles along his cheeks. His eyes sparkle a undescribable hue of green as he smiles and says:

“After we graduate and you go into hunting, do you think we’ll still be friends? Like, I’ll hunt with you and we’ll keep seeing each other?”

My heart feels like it’s going to rip apart or burst. I can’t tell which. I can’t imagine him being in a field like mine, even as a Support. He’s to soft and, as much as I hate 

to say it, weak. He’d probably end up....

_Dead_.

But I know I can’t tell him that. I just can’t. It would hurt me more to see his smile fade as I hit him with the cold hard truth. 

“Sure.” I say, hating myself as I do.

But it’s worth it, in a way, because his face immediately lights up like a child finding out he’s won a million of whatever he wants. 

“ _Really_ Tsukki?! Oh my- You really think that?! You’re so coolI! As always, of course. I’m soooo lucky to know you!”

I can’t help but smile with him. Moods like his are infectious, in a good way.

Then I finish it up with my signature comment, and I can tell that he knows it’s coming.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

He beams up at me again, already walking down his path home.

“Sorry, Tsukki!!!”

Until many years later, this conversation never struck me as odd that he said all that, and that this was the last time I ever saw him.

———————————

**_5 years later_ **

———————————

There’s blood everywhere.

Thankfully, it isn’t mine.

Monster bodies litter the floor like trash, which, of course, they were. I tap the comm in my ear with a gore slicked hand, smiling with satisfaction as I look directly at the camera, at the people looking back and writing down notes, seeing whether I was worthy of passing the initiation test to become a Hunter.

There had been ten of them and one of me.

“Brother.”

There was a small bit of static, then: “ _Well done, Kei, you passed_.”

Smiling even wider, I grab my spikes, cold to the touch, sharp as it could get. 

“I know.”

——————————

I dump my stuff at the lobby, and almost immediately one of the staff takes it up to get it cleaned as I get my results from the meeting room.

Suddenly, a too loud, too cheery yell comes from it, and my heart sinks.

Because right in front of me, holding the platinum knife shaped badge, which was the Hunters’ symbol for Head, was in the hands of the very boy I had sought out to beat as a Hunter.

“Ha! I told you, Tobio!!! I told you I’d get the badge!!! I’m the _Head_ now. Ha _HA_!”

The flying ball of orange yelled at the calm, tall man, his mouth curved down into a frown, but his blue eyes sparkling with pride. 

“Wow, Shouyou, congrats.” Kageyama replied in his usual, emotion-void voice, and my eyes widened in surprise as I caught a glimpse at the ring on his... well, ring finger, noticing the way it matched the one on the smaller ones’. Neither of them had noticed me yet, so I started to bee-line in the opposite direction to anywhere, just away. 

I didn’t make it very far.

“Tsukishima!? Is that you!?” I halt in my tracks as my ex-enemy leaps in front of me to take a good look. “It is!!! Wow, you’ve grown even taller!”

I scowl at him, about to say something cold and almost definitely hurtful, but I’m saved by a quick look to the entrance of the meeting room, where my brother is standing by his desk, eyes pressing on me.

Suddenly, all my anger had a target.

Ignoring Hinata’s yelling and persistent questioning, I speed-walk to Akiteru, careful to keep a straight face. 

“Kei, there you are-“

I slam the door behind me. He sighs, and I know what he’s about to say, so I start first.

“What the _fuck_ , Akiteru?”

If he’s startled by my colorfulness, which is rare, he doesn’t show it. “Look, he just had better results than you, okay? And we did a background check, Kei. He’s always been better than you.”

“But it’s my _right_! Is it not?! That’s what all of you always told me. That’s what grandfather said, and father, and you! Were those all lies?! Were those all nothing?!” Spit flies out of my mouth, my rage consuming me. But even as those words leave my mouth, I know I’ve made a mistake, because Akiteru’s expression suddenly closes up, like a door, and I can no longer read him. And he doesn’t say anything either, because he knows I know what I’ve done, so he lets me breathe and collect myself instead.

“Akiteru- I’m sorry-“

“ _Pathetic_.”

Sorrow and self-disappointment floods through me at the three syllables. I look up at my brother, and his eyes are cold, as if I’m nothing but filth.

“This is why you didn’t make it. Because you always thought it was a right. That you didn’t have to _work_ for it.”

I choke back a sob, and he tosses a file onto his desk.

“These are your schedules, and the briefs, as well as the keys to your dorm. Get yourself cleaned up. You look like a mess.”

And he left.

———————-

I didn’t get cleaned up.

I didn’t even bother checking out the dorm.

Instead, I head to where my now clean weapons lay, just where I left them, even though I can tell they’ve been slightly kicked on. After checking that my spikes are still in proper condition, I make my way to the Red.

The Red is a section of the city where Hunters frequent for practice, or just to kill some monsters. Some also go for the high of adrenaline. But I go for one reason, and one reason only.

_Revenge_.

5 years ago, my best friend went missing. Well, to everyone else, he was just my best friend. What they, including him, didn’t know was that to me, he was much more. 

I could no longer think his name, much less say it, without loosing composure. He had been someone who had somehow not been fazed by my insults, or stand-off-ish-ness. 

I still remember the day I found out he had gone missing. He hadn’t come to school, and he never missed school, so I went to his house, which was just a few blocks away. 

When I finally got there, I arrived at a scene of unimaginable horror.

His whole family was dead, the entire house a mess of blood and gore.

But the investigators couldn’t find any trace of him.

After a while, the whole school knew, and there was an outburst of theories of what could have happened to him. Some said he murdered his family and fled, some said a monster kidnapped him. A year later, the news was leaked that the police had pinned it on a very rare type of monster.

A demon. 

And that was what I was here for.

Demon sightings were non-existent in the Yellow or Green zones, but there were definitely some sightings in the Red, and sightings meaning bodies found so twisted and broken that they had to be victims of the most elusive breed of monster.

I turn a corner in the Yellow, coming to a sign that read ‘ **_ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!!_ **’ in something that was so similar to blood, it was concerning. 

Ahead of me, there was barely any light, since the Red was usually a no go zone during the day, and much less inviting in the middle of the night.

Somewhere, a monster howled.

And I stepped into the Red.

—————————-

Two hours.

71 monsters.

No demon.

I had slain all of those monstersI came across, of course, but I didn’t feel like leaving until I found what I had come for, the anger from earlier still boiling within me, with maybe something from somewhere else. 

Up above, the moon is still beaming down, and a thought floats up in my mind.

_I still have time._

Then:

_What makes you think you’ll find it anyway? You’ve come here so many times._

  
  


I shake the latter away. I don’t need those types of things in my head. Not now, when I can feel the adrenaline wearing off, exhaustion slowly creeping in. I’ve been up for nearly 24 hours, and I’ve been fighting for almost all of it. But now, the battle is more in my head than anything.

_Stay with me, Kei._

But I can’t, and just as I begin to do the sensible thing and turn back, a blur of motion, too fast to be human or a common monster, catches my eye.

_Demon_.

Suddenly, the adrenaline rush is back as I sprint after it, following it through the shadows.

Turn after turn, street after street.

Until we reach a dead-end.

“Ha! H-Got you!” I pant triumphantly, my hands tight around my spikes as I glare at the creature, more like where it is, against the wall. I breathe deeply, letting the oxygen flow through me. As my breath slows and I finally can here things other than my heartbeat, confusion flows through me.

It’s... whimpering.

And true enough, upon closer inspection, it’s cowering against the brick.

“ _Please don’t hurt me._ ”

I pause. That voice. I know that voice. And my body knows it to, from the way my shoulders relax and my heart clenches. 

But I have to be sure.

I turn on the tiny but surprisingly powerful flashlight that comes with my gloves. It flickers for a moment, and I tense up again, because most monsters are attracted to bright, flashing things, so I cover it ever so slightly until I’m positive it’s on properly.

I uncover it, and I forget how to breathe.

In front of me, on the ground, back against the wall, is a boy the same age as me, with a demons’ trademark horns spiraling from his temples, his arms covered in scales to the finger, where it ends in sharp, curved, claws. His eyes were a bright, unyielding, green, and I’m at a loss at how I couldn’t see them through the dark. Behind him, a tail, ending in a simple arrowhead, twitched. And in the light, he had pale, perfect, porcelain skin, flawless...

Save for the freckles on his face.

Which, if you added most of that up, could only mean one thing.

“Y-Yamaguchi?”

Before either of us can react, I collapse onto the ground, falling into the dark abyss of exhaustion.

———————-

_I’m standing in a field._

_Funny. There are no fields in this Age. Just concrete and tar._

_Suddenly, the grass shrivels, turning a crisp black, then blowing away as ash._

_If I could gasp, I would._

_Below all that once-green, are skulls of all types and sizes, but skulls all the same. Some are evidently older than others, being dry and cracked while pieces of ancient but still-there flesh hang off others. I can’t smell anything, but am vaguely aware of the fact that it probably smells like blood and guts and rot._

_And that I’m not alone._

_As if prompted by that realization, I’m running, but my legs aren’t working as they should be, aren’t pushing of the ground with as much force as they used to, and it’s difficult running from something you can’t see._

_Through all this chaos, I hear someone calling my name, over and over again, but I don’t stop, I can’t._

_As my legs continue to make a mess of me, a shadow looms over, its red eyes glaring. In a voice that sounds oddly like the newest Head of the Hunt, it says:_

_“Be careful what you wish for.”_

_And suddenly I’m falling, through the skulls and flesh and blood into unending darkness once again, the voice calling my name ever so persistent._

———————- 

“ _Tsukki_!”

I jolt awake, eyes flaring open, and for a moment, I think I’ve awoken into another dream, but for the fact that I can feel the sweat dripping down my neck and the goosebumps running across my arms, I know that isn’t the case.

But it’s pitch black.

Well, almost.

I catch a glimpse of a shadow as my eyes adjust, and out of habit and instinct, my hand flies at it, curling into a fist. There’s an ‘oof!’ as I feel my knuckles hit a jaw, followed by the sounds of someone stumbling, then falling as they loose balance.

“T-Tsukki calm down! It’s me...”

I run a hand through my hair and let out a sigh as last night slowly comes back to me, all the things I did and all the things I found. “Dammit, Yamaguchi, I can’t see.”

“Oh.”

There is some shuffling, and I can’t help but yearn for the feel of my spikes in my hands. Then, the lights, or light, since it’s just this lamp in the middle of wherever we’re in, flickers on. 

I expect to see a dump, a disorganized place with dirt and grime everywhere, but my sight is greeted by something far more pleasing.

The room is pretty bare, save for a small section of scribbles I can’t seem to make out, despite wearing my glasses still. I can tell this place has been lived in for a while, it has a feel of it, and there is a pile of books at the side. I’m sitting on a bed, relatively clean and well maintained for someone living in the middle of the Red, which is where I assumed we would be, given the fact that I was in the same room as a demon.

Then it hit me.

A demon.

_Yamaguchi_.

I clamp my hands over my mouth as I let out a startled cry, finally turning to face the boy that had gone missing 5 years ago. He’s sitting in the middle of the room, legs crossed, innocent and unassuming save for his appearance. He’s eyeing me with longing and caution, like I’m a flower that he doesn’t want to kill, but wants to pick so badly. His fingers and tail twitch ever so slightly, and my heart suddenly yearns to be by him, to comfort him. 

As if reading my thoughts, he silently looks at me in the eye, then flicks to the spikes at the foot of the bed I’m on, and I’m struck with yet another problem.

I’m a Hunter. My job is to hunt monsters, and kill demons.

He’s... a demon.

… and a friend.

I grab my flask from my pouch, taking a swig of water, before clearing my throat.

“W-where have you been all this time?” My voice catches, staring at him, and I realize that I’m crying, tears streaming down my dirt covered face. “It’s been what, 5 years? 5 years since you went missing, and now this?!” 

Suddenly he’s there, a clawed hand caressing my face, gently wiping my tears away, careful not to cut me with his sharp edges. And he’s crying too, his emerald eyes gleaming in the lamplight, wet by tears he must have held in for so, so long. “I couldn’t tell you, no matter how much I wanted to, Tsukki. I- I didn’t know how. I saw you, you know, every time you came into the Red to hunt, I was there, watching over you, I wanted to call out but I couldn’t-“

Now it’s my turn to comfort him, and I go for a hug, even if it isn’t my personal comfort move. He’s shaking, and it strikes me how much we’ve stayed the same since... then. We’re both taller and more muscled, of course, but he’s still slightly smaller than me, and he’s somehow maintained his hair, now styled into a bun, to be pretty clean. In fact, I snatch a whiff of shampoo.

“You can shower?” I say, to change the subject, and because I’m genuinely curious. 

He looks up from where his head rests against my chest and shoulder. “Yeah, we’re in that part of the Red that’s next to the Green. In one of the few abandoned buildings that still have access to water, and is close enough for me to loot a convenience store for my needs,” he sniffs, looking at his hands. “I kind of need it, because no matter how hard I try, I still don’t like getting my hands bloody.”

“You shouldn’t like it.”

He looks up at me, and there’s something burning in there, an anger I had never seen in anyone, much less him, before. “But look at me, Tsukki! _Tsukishima_ ! I- I’m a demon, I’m supposed to be this bloodthirsty- I _am_ a—“ 

He looks away sharply, more tears falling down his cheeks.

“I’m a monster.”

For the first time, the silence between us was uncomfortable, the air barely there in the room.

When he finally looks back up at me, eyes red and swollen, the words he says are like a knife to my heart.

“Please leave.”

———————-

“Where have you been?! We nearly sent a search party for you, Kei. And look at you, you didn’t even get cleaned up, did you? Your’e a fucking me—“ My brother comes running towards me, his face contorted into animal rage.

I don’t even break my stride.

“Shut the actual fuck up, Akiteru. As you can see, I’m fine. And I don’t remember any rule that there was any curfew, so fuck off.”

I know the entire lobby is staring at me in shock, but I don’t care.

I’m too numb for that.

———————

I turn the shower to ‘ **_Hot_ **’, watching the steam rise from the water as it falls, dragged down by gravity.

I get in, relishing in the pain as the scalding water burns me, but it isn’t enough to distract me from the ache in my heart, and I can’t help but feel like I’m falling into something too dark to fathom.

———————

I’m in the Green.

But take one more step, I’ll be back in the Red. 

I still remember how to get to where Yamaguchi was, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget. 

I don’t think I can.

I run, a risky thing because it attracts the wrong kind of attention, but it’s still bright, night only coming in 5 hours or more. When I finally reach, he’s there, sitting on his bed expectantly, but he avoids my gaze.

“Hey.”

He finally looks up, and I can immediately tell that he’s been crying. “H-hi, Tsukki.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, sorry about last night, I was… I was just kind of… overwhelmed.”

I plop myself down next to him, close enough for our shoulders to just barely brush, and the atmosphere of the entire room becomes warm and comfy, but you can still sense the thin layer of tension that had built up from all those years of not seeing each other. 

“So… what happened?”

The words come out of my mouth before I can even think it through, and I glance at Yamaguchi to make sure he’s okay. Asking a question like this so suddenly, right after we had just found the other again…

“Don’t worry, Tsukki, you deserve to know.”

I feel his hand on mine and I’m brought back to the real world. His thumb is rubbing circles on my wrist, and I almost immediately calm down. He takes a breath, and starts.

“I killed them.”

I wasn’t sure whether I was shocked at how shocked I was, or that I was just shocked in general. I mean, it was only logic that he would have, but I still can’t imagine my best friend as someone who could even kill a _fly._

“That’s right, Tsukki,” his gaze hardens as he takes in my surprised expression. “My father had been abusive. He had always been. Especially to me, since I was so… so _weak._ So that day I had tried to fight back. He was mad that I was just slightly later than usual, because, you know, we had been talking about the future and stuff. I had found out about my powers earlier in the morning, and I had wanted to test it… but not _violently,”_ he’s crying now, shamelessly. Tears are falling like waterfalls down his face in an endless, irregular rhythm. “I thought I could- _would_ have those nicer seeming powers like mind control or persuasiveness, but _no_ . I had to have something gruesome and _awful_.”

He stops to breathe, and he rests his head on my chest, tears falling onto my crossed legs, and I feel the need to intervene.

“Yamaguchi…”

“ _No_ ! No… I need- I need to tell you this, I need to _tell-“_ he takes another breath, and my arm goes around him, rubbing circles along his back as I lift his surprisingly light body so that he’s sitting in the cradle my crossed legs make, holding him as his tail loops around my arm, fortunately curved horns knocking against my glasses as he buries his face into my shoulder. He continues without moving, his speech muffled by my attire.

“I have shadow manipulation, Tsukki.”

This time, I’m actually shocked, nearly horrified. Shadow manipulation was _the_ rarest, and most dangerous, demon power. Demons had all types of powers, but this was one that could destroy cities overnight. Shadow manipulation was where you drew dark matter from, well, shadows, and they would become _solid_ , and never peaceful, because things made of darkness were equivalent to chaos… and chaos was the opposite of control…

“You lost it.”

Silence.

“You lost control.”

He nods.

“You couldn’t do anything, Yamaguchi. No demon can control dark matter on their first day.”

He looks up, and my heart breaks when I see that his eyes have lost it’s vibrant, bright, light. He’s so close, _too_ close, and I can barely stop myself from glancing at his lips, so I focus on his freckles instead as I feel his breath against my face.

We bask in the moment, and I have never had a stronger urge to kiss him then now, but I know that this isn’t the time. I can’t burden him with me, not when he’s just got a secret out of his chest. But I’m leaning forward, more and more, ever so slowly, and I know he notices it because his green eyes trail down to my lips and my own do the same. We get closer, closer-

I stop, mere millimeters from his face.

“Do you want this?” I ask.

He kisses me as an answer.

—————————-

Things started looking up after that. I had night shift, so I would finish my missions quickly, then I’d beeline straight to his place. Then we’d make out, talk, then make out (sometimes _more_ than just making out) some more until I was too exhausted, which then I’d crash on my now permanent place on his bed. It went on for a week, then a month, then a year, and I loved every moment of it. Kageyama had moved into Hinata’s too, since they had been engaged and were now happily married. Life was good. Being with Yamaguchi was all I needed, a dream come true.

Well, I was about to wake up.

—————————

“Hey, Tsukishima, don’t you wanna get married?”

I was having breakfast… in the afternoon… with Hinata and Kageyama, since we _were_ a team, Hinata being a painstakingly nice Head, when said Head innocently popped the question.

And to make matters worse, my brother almost immediately walked in.

“ _What the fuck.”_ I hiss at the smaller Hunter, who was giggling furiously at my chances. I stuff food into my mouth, just to avoid answering, but Akiteru actually _sat down_ , his eyes never leaving me, while Hinata couldn’t help but start rolling on the floor, his husband yelling at him to calm down, but snickering as well. 

I give up on buying time and opt for just not answering, but my brother isn’t about to let go like that. “Go on, Kei, please do answer him.”

I shoot a glare at him, then the ginger, as I work out something to say, and I’m pretty sure my face is red the entire time.

“No.”

I can barely say it, the word scraping against my throat as the lie comes out of it. They can know about everyone’s love affairs, but _my_ love was something that I _had_ to keep secret, for obvious reasons.

I saw Akiteru’s eyes light with surprise, but behind it I could tell that he knew I was lying as well. “Oh? You’re nearly 25, little brother, in this world, most men your age are already happily married,” he paused, considering what to say next. “To live their life, of course, just in case they get killed in an unfortunate event.”

A shiver rolls down my spine at the added comment, and I try to hide the fear that has started to crawl under my skin, clawing its way into my mind.

After a moment of scary silence, he gets up and leaves, and the two lovers return their seats on the table, continuing as if nothing had changed.

————————

“Mmmm…”

My eyes flutter open as sunlight seeps into the room from a small window, the little lamp from the night before already burned out. I feel the shift of weight beside me, and I turn my head to find a face full of stars and eyes full of green, beaming back at me. I can feel Yamaguchi’s tail wrapped around where it usually is - looping along my lower leg from the knee to my ankle. In this light, he’s beautiful, although he is all the time, to me, anyway. 

I sit up, the thin blanket that had surprisingly effectively kept us from the cold falling off my bare chest, and I gasp as it meets the frigid air of the morning. He sits up next to me, and I shiver as his skin touches my back as he hugs me from behind. It’s been a little more than a year, but I still can’t get my head around the fact that we’re… like _this._ Though I’m not complaining. I love him to my very core, and there are days that go by where he’s _always_ on my mind, and I barely get through the day without slipping _something_ out about him, which is, in every way, dangerous.

Yamaguchi nuzzles closer to me from behind, burying his face into my shoulder, his horns sticking up but carefully away from my face. “Good morning, Tsukki,” I feel more than I hear, his voice muffled by my skin. I turn to face him, lifting him up as I do so he can sit on my crossed lap, his legs locking at the ankles behind me. “Shouldn’t you be heading back to the firm by now? Mmm…” He says between kisses and nose bumps. I love kissing him, letting my tongue feel his fangs, careful to not break my own flesh.

“Why, you want to get rid of me that fast, huh?” I grin slyly as reply my fingers attacking his sides as he tries to wriggle out from under me until-

“Aack-”

We fall off the bed, a laughing mess, Yamaguchis’ head resting on my chest, right above my heart, and we stay there in comfortable silence, warming each other against the cool air of the morning.

“I need to go.” He says, breaking the quiet as he gets up, grabbing his clothes from the discarded pile from last night.

I sit up, eyes wide. “What? Where?”

Almost immediately, his eyes drop to the floor, or just _away_ from me, like a little boy who had gotten in trouble. “H-hunting.”

It felt like I was hit by ice. I mean, I _knew_ he was hunting, but it never came across my mind when he did. But it made sense that he would hunt during the day, since he regularly spent his nights with me. There was always plenty to eat at night, since most illegal dealings were done here, which were what the Nightwatch sector, my sector, were supposed to regularly swipe for, if we weren’t hunting monsters that were requested. Which meant Yamaguchi had to risk searching for drunk stragglers… or _starving._ And the fact that it had never crossed my mind...

“I’m sorry, I’ve been selfish.”

He won’t look at me, his clawed fingers tugging at the fabric of his newly scavenged shirt, and now that I truly think about it, it was probably from his last kill, since he wasn’t a fan of blood and could use his manipulation to hold his… victim… in place. 

I get up from the floor, grabbing my pans as I do, and hug him from behind, my head resting between his horns. 

“I love you, Tadashi.”

When he doesn’t answer I gently turn him around, only to find that his eyes are wet, and he’s drawn some blood on his lip from his habitual nervous or upset biting, made worse by his fangs. I grab one of the clean towels from my bag, wiping the blood away. “Hey… Tadashi-”

Suddenly, he pushes me away, and I stumble backwards, arms flailing as I lose my balance.

“Yams, what-”

I look back to the doorway, and he’s gone, the only proof he was ever there was on the floor. 

A single drop of a tear mixed with blood.

\-------------------------

I forgot how much I hated this place.

I’m standing in the centre of my brothers’ office with my squad mates, Kageyama and Hinata, and the mix is bringing back a wave of unwelcome memories. I haven't been in this room since I lost to Hinata for the Head of the Hunt badge, and I had never planned on stepping back in ever since.

But here we are, getting called over at 3 pm, a time we should be dead asleep at.

Both the now-King (in this world, it’s just a title of status, nothing more) and Head Hunter were groggy from sleep, and, like me, didn’t quite enjoy coming to this room, of all places, and having to face the most annoying (okay, I’ll admit, this is only for me) Head to have existed, during their rest time.

“So you’re probably wondering why I’ve called you here,” says Akiteru, his eyes slicing through each of us in turn as he feigns an innocent aura, and when his eyes land on me, I glare at them right back, hoping he gets my _get on with it, asshole_ mental message. But he only snickers and turns to a stack of papers on his desk. “I’ve gotten a very special request, something not so out of our norms, but something uncommon enough to be.”

I feel a chill go down my spine, is it me… or is something… off?

I side-eye the other two, the feeling worsening as I see them undisturbed by my brothers’ words.

“I’ve been looking through our records, checking our cameras, and I’ve found something… very interesting.”

Fear grips my shoulders, and I can feel his claws sinking in as thoughts surface my mind, a realisation of the truth.

_He knows._

Then:

_I'm as good as dead._

I can feel the sweat trickle down my back, my arms, my temples, as he continues like a stage actor, drawing out the moment.

“It seems that some people in this company, this building, have some people keeping… _secrets_. Bad ones, ones that, if found out, would lead to a whole deal of suffering.”

I don’t know how, but I somehow manage to keep my face neutral, my breathing rate steady, but my heart is racing, pounding against my ribs with such force that I’m terrified the rest of the room will hear it.

_Keep cool, Kei._

“Now, I brought you in today because I want you to play pest control.”

Wait…

What?

“This stack of papers contain a fact file of every traitor in this company. Only, that I’ve also put what they’ve _done_ , along with their punishment,” he slides off the table with cat-like grace, and picks through the papers, taking some out for us to see. He points to a stamped symbol at the bottom corner of each paper. “This symbol signifies the weight of their punishment. A black knife symbol means the loss of all your Hunter privileges, but they may continue to hunt for us. These people have done things like except bribery from low-lifes, or have stolen some money from our funds. A red knife symbol means they lose everything that associates themselves with us, which also means they lose their glorious status of being a Hunter. These are for those that repeatedly go against our anti-corruption rules in _all_ ways possible, from not paying the small hospitality fee, to being involved in speculation. And lastly…”

He pulls out a paper with a gold knife symbol, and grins. 

“These people have done the worst thing of all, which I would like to address.”

Akiteru slinks away from his position by the table and circles us as he speaks, making me feel more trapped than ever.

“These people have been in… well, not _contact_ , but more like they _live_ with them…”

“Who? Sir, please get to the point,” Hinata chimes in, to my surprise. His eyes are bright with enthusiasm, which isn’t all too new - he’s always been against those not playing by the rules.

Akiteru chuckles, but he does it as if he’s some villain of some movie, but now that I know this currently does not involve me, the dread has slipped away.

“Demons, little Head. Demons.”

\-------------------------------

The cold is welcoming.

I think that now as I enter the bathtub, wincing as the ice cold water meets my skin. So basically, our job was to split the total of 141 people between the three of us, and over the course of the next week or two, find each Hunter and take their badge, replacing it with a lower grade one for those with a black stamp. 

Well, take their badge, or kill them (and the demon), which was the punishment for those with the golden symbol.

It was simple enough, and I was glad to not be on the list, though not being on the list wasn’t all too surprising - I was careful to ensure my route didn’t involve many cameras and that my timing and alibis were in check.

But it still scares me that others that _have_ sort of done what I have are getting caught.

\-----------------------

“Wait no! It’s not what you think! They’re perfectly humane creatures, like us! They don’t _mean_ to hurt us- Please!”

I’m on my 40th case - my first Gold case. 

“Tell me where the demon is, and maybe then we can talk,” I say, keeping my voice as even and firm as possible.

But the man sprawled on the floor in front of me is stubborn, and I’m beginning to grow impatient as he shakes his head, his tanned skin already bruised from me ambushing him right before we got into his house. By the looks of it, he’s loyal to his demon, which means…

“Fine then, you do you.”

I grab him by the collar, his messily spiked hair already matted with blood.

“Mr Iwaizumi Hajime, you have been sentenced to death by order of the Head of the Hunt, for protecting a demon.” 

I raised my spike, the beautiful thing that usually went into the heart of a monster, and raised it to the heart of the man. 

I lean closer to him, speaking softly now. 

“Any last words?”

Suddenly, a voice behind me. “I don’t think you should be saying that.”

I smile.

And dodge with Iwaizumi.

A fireball explodes above my head, but nothing catches fire.

_Advanced fire manipulation._

I throw the man to the ground, using the momentum to drive my spike up, towards the demon. He’s pretty, brown curls of hair falling almost too perfectly on his face. He dodges with grace as he dirtily sweeps his foot under mine, but instead of falling and getting killed, I grab his shoulders and bring him down with me. Now, he’s too close to start another fireball without burning himself, and we’re too occupied to be too sure of where his dear human is.

After a while of wrestling on the floor, I kick out, connecting with the demons’ stomach, and grab a long spike from the holster on my back. I had to kill them. Now.

He sees my movement and grins.

And in the excitement, he lunges for me.

Somewhere behind me, I hear Iwaizumi’s voice.

“Oikawa NO!”

Oikawa, the demon, had thought I had drawn out another regular, short, spike, and was thinking I would slice out the way I did before.

He was wrong. Just as he’s about to reach me, he dodges down.

All according to plan.

I bring the long spike down, and I hear both demon and human scream. 

\----------------------

My shirt is in shreds, and there are cuts all over my body. I have just finished my 5th Golden case, my 45th case in general, involving a boy with long-ish gold black hair who was too weak to do anything, and a tall demon that looked all too much like a cat.

But that doesn’t stop me from seeing Yamaguchi.

I walk in, too tired to knock, and he’s there, taking hold of my shoulders and setting me down on the bed to tend my wounds, like he knew this would happen. Which isn’t surprising, since he probably could hear my pants of exhaustion and probably had seen me coming.

But he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know I’m killing other demons while still being with him. It’s why I left all the Golden cases towards the end, so it would seem like I was just having an intense week. I also told him that I was having extra training, so this was my first night with him since I started my Golden cases.

But it feels so bad lying to him.

“What the hell did you even come across?! Your whole body has cuts on them!” He exclaims as he presses a hot (and clean) towel to my skin. I hiss as the pain spreads through my body, and I grip his hand even tighter.

“Sorry, Tadashi.”

“Just be more careful next time, Kei!! Dammit, I said that _last_ time! Ugh, I can't believe you-”

He stops, and I twist around to see him. “Tadashi, what’s wrong?”

He’s sniffing the towel, which is now red from my blood.

I come closer to him, putting a hand on it. “Tadashi.”

His eyes flicker up to me, then down to the towel again, not saying a word.

“Dammit, Yams, what’s wrong?”

He finally brings the towel down from his nose, and he looks straight into my eyes.

“Why do I smell demon blood?”

The world is suddenly too quiet.

“Wh-what? Tadashi, what are you talking about?”

His eyes narrow. “I smell demon blood.”

I decide to tell him the half-truth, at least. “Because hunting is my _job_ . If I don’t kill, I’ll get _caught_.” I say, but too angrily, and I realise it too late, as the demon I love casts his eyes down, hurt.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I’m tired, but I love you, okay? Just know that.”

I feel his arms around me, his tail curling around my leg again.

“I love you too.”

\--------------------

Once again, it was peaceful. I had finished my last two cases without much trouble, having to face a very energetic young looking demon with a troublesome electric power, who was sheltered by a good willed accountant of ours, and my final case had been a simple, bright eyed demon with weird white black hair and an annoying bird split ability, which was taken care of by making him try to protect his human, a pretty, blue eyed editor that had partnered himself with us.

It haunted me, though, that all those demons and humans loved each other, the way me and Yamaguchi did. 

But it’s not like I could do anything about it.

It’s not like can I do anything about my brother, either.

\---------------------

“Happy Birthday, love.”

It was November 10th, Yamaguchi’s Birthday, and it was also our 3rd year anniversary. It was a fitting atmosphere for it, too. The sun is out, but it’s gentle, the cool breeze flows through the room balancing out and making it a true November feel.

I prodded the demon boy awake.

“Mmmm morning- IS THAT SOGGY FRIES?!”

“Yep, I woke up early to get them for you.”

“OH MY- THANK YOU SO MUCH I HAVEN”T HAD THESE IN AGES!”

He tackled me to the ground, careful to not spill the fries. The sound of his laughter filling the room music to my ears. Much to his delight, I began peppering kisses on his face, my hands sneaking over to his sides to tickle him. His squeals all I hear when I do.

_Damn, this boy._

I loved him more than anything.

\---------------------------

“Tsukishima, wake up!”

“Hnngggh…” 

“There’s an emergency meeting!! Your brother called for it. Now get up before Tobio gets in here with cold water!”

I open my eyes to see Hinata standing over me, his eyes wide open and panicked. Then, I turn to the doorway to see Kageyama, standing menacingly with a bucket in hand. I let out a long sigh.

“I’m up, I’m up. No need to pour water over anyone…”

I get changed into gear, and we make our way to our brothers’ office. 

Once we do get there, I get a sense of deja vu, seeing him sitting on his desk, a few clipboards in hand. 

“Ah, if it isn’t the best fighters we have. Come, come in.” His eyes sparkle as he says those words, and he seems to be eyeing me more than usual.

“Now, it’s been a few months since we did some… cleaning up, yes?” His smile grows wider. “Well, I’ve done some searching, and I do have to say, I think you did a good job, because we only have three cases.” He motioned to the clipboards in his hand.

He handed them out, one each, and when I got mine, I was filled with confusion… and fear.

Because it was a blank page. Well, not blank, because written in my brothers’ handwriting was…

**_Stay back with me for 5 minutes._ **

_Shit._

“You all know what to do. You’re excused.”

The other two boys said their thanks and left, leaving me and my brother in the now too quiet room as he closes the door, cutting me off from the outside world.

“Turn the paper around, Kei.”

I do, and I nearly choke.

There, in the middle of the fact file, is a picture of me, walking from the convenience store, with a bag of fries.

“Happiness comes at price, doesn’t it?” 

“No… no no no no…” I drop the file, hands clamped over my mouth. 

“I’ve known since the first Purge but I let it slide,” he walked over, looking at me straight in the eye. 

“I’ll spare you, and no one will have to know, brother,” he picked up the clipboard with a sad smile. “But…”

“He needs to die by the end of the week.” 

\------------------

I can’t stop.

Tears are falling freely from my eyes and I can’t stop them. Right after my brother said those cruel words, I grabbed my stuff, and ran out of the building, straight to the red. It was still day, so I wouldn’t see Yamaguchi any time soon, but I couldn’t face any one. It was like the day I lost my promotion, I needed to hunt, to kill, to release all that anger within me. 

And I did.

I kept killing, and killing, monster after monster, hour after hour. Until the moon, a waxing gibbous, was high in the sky, and the adrenaline turned into acid. Only then, did I make my way to my lovers door.

But how could I face him?

How to tell him?

I couldn’t just drop the fact that I had to kill him by the end of this week - in 4 days. 

I was swiping through ways to break the news when I saw him at the door, patiently waiting, with a sad look on his face.

“Something’s bothering you, isn’t it?”

The tears started to come again.

“And it’s about me… isn’t it?”

I hug him, nodding, holding him close, closer than I ever could.

“Come, tell me everything.”

\-------------------

I told him everything.

From having that brutal nightmare when I had first met him at the alleyway, to killing those 7 demons and their partners during the Purge. From daydreaming about him during my lunches, to… having to kill him.

“I- Tadashi, I-I don’t want to even hurt you, much less _kill-_ ”

“Shhhh… but you have to, don’t you?”

I look up at him, I ended up with my head on his lap, bawling my eyes out as he stroked my face soothingly.

“Why don’t we just enjoy our last few days together?” He helped me sit up, brushing away a few stray tears. “You know, I always told you that I loved you,” he says, and I can see the tears begin to form for him. “But I never told you that, in truth, I knew that being with you would only lead to this.”

He took a deep breath, looking at the window, where the sky was still dark but pockmarked with stars. “I’m just happy that we had this much time together, that we were given a full 3 years with each other.”

He turns to me and smiles, his tear-streaked cheeks glowing in the single lamplight. I touch his face, my turn to brush away the stray tear. “I love you, Yamaguchi Tadashi.”

“I love you too, Tsukki, Tsukishima Kei.”

\---------------------------

We spent our last few nights stargazing, kissing, reminiscing, singing, everything we could to make us forget our relationships’ numbered days, and their own numbered days.

I got Yamaguchi more soggy fries, and I brought over a strawberry shortcake for him to try again. He showed me relics from the old world he managed to scavenge, and drew me in the moonlight too.

Yet, all the while, the weight of my spikes grew heavier, and so did the gaze of my brother.

\-----------------------------

“Hey, Kei.”

“Hmm?”

“It’s tonight.”

I stop. We were walking, something we did while stargazing.

I turn to him, and he’s looking at the sky, no, the moon, already low. It’s ironically beautiful, since tonight was a full moon. I had been avoiding the topic of tonight, since it _was_ the end of the week. 

These were my last moments with the demon I loved. 

“You know I love you, right? And that I don’t mind.”

“Don’t mind what?” I ask, ignoring the first part.

“I don’t mind dying if you’re the one killing me. Is that weird?”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

Silence.

Then we started snickering. Then full on laughing. Then we were on the ground, legs weak from laughter.

“I love you so much, Tadashi.”

He doesn’t answer, and when I look up, he’s looking at…

He’s looking at the sunrise.

“Kei…”

“No. I can’t. I can’t do this-”

“But you have to-”

“NO! We can figure something out, something, _anything_ -”

“Kei.”

I feel his hand take mine as his other one draws the spike in my belt. He takes it, the sharp end pointing towards him, and then closes my hands around it.

“It’ll be okay,” he says with a sad smile, but a genuine smile, and kisses me for the last time. 

Tears fall from my eyes again, and my hands are trembling. But when I look into his eyes, those bright emeralds, the storm inside me calms.

“I love you too, Kei.”

I plunge the spike into his heart.

\------------------------

I make my way back to the building, everything numb. I pass by the doors, by my brother, who’s staring at me with pity in his eyes. I would yell at him, but all the fight has gone in me. I reach my dorm, close the door, and turn the soundproofing on.

Then, and only then, do I let go. I scream, I cry, I throw knives at the wall, smash plates. I curse everything in this damned world.

And when I’m finally done and worn out, I collapse onto my bed, and let exhaustion take me.

\------------------------

_I’m smiling._

_Why?_

_He’s here. The boy I love. My one and only._

_“Tsukki! How was Combat?” He starts to say, but I don’t answer, because I know he doesn’t end there. “Support was fun. Suga helped me a lot with the Quick Freezers and Stabilizers and I’ve gotten pretty good at it! Hey, did you know that...”_

_And he kept going. All the way to the final crossroad where we would go our separate ways home._

_“Hey, Tsukki?” He calls out, right before I walk too far and out of earshot._

_“Yeah?”_

_I turn to face him, and I find it amazingly breathtaking how the pale moonlight and the soft glow of the lamplight highlights the smoothness of his face, and the little freckles along his cheeks. His eyes sparkle a undescribable hue of green as he smiles and says:_

_“After we graduate and you go into hunting, do you think we’ll still be friends? Like, I’ll hunt with you and we’ll keep seeing each other?”_

_I smile, thinking of all the ways he’ll be the perfect medic._

_“Of course.”_

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> WELL THEN-
> 
> yea so i did that.
> 
> i totally didnt cry while writing this. 
> 
> anyways, just a reminder, my insta is @caspurrii, and my WattPad is the same user hehe. also if you go thru my insta, you'll find my art account which has art about this hehe
> 
> thanks for reading!!!
> 
> -casper


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